


Foxtwang

by Pearlybj



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Biting, Fic Recc Fic, Flirting, Meta, Multi, Pseudo-Incest, Why can’t everyone just share
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-16 11:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19317091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlybj/pseuds/Pearlybj
Summary: Gossiping about cute guys and trading book reccs at a sleepover? This could’ve been that fic, but Dave doesn’t let us have nice things even in absentia.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [caledfwlchthat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caledfwlchthat/gifts).



> The links in this work are fic recommendations for Jade collected from some of my favorite fan authors. Mind the tags of each individual fic and have fun!

Not soft but not firm. Plush, that’s the word. Springy and green, just like moss.

 

JADE: your hair is so nice! i love it. 

DEEPS:  why thank you :33

DEEPS:  i use conditioner instead of gel/animal fat now

JADE: gross!

DEEPS:  hey gotta keep the grizzled mane from getting too grizzly

 

Sighing happily, Jade runs her fingers through Davepeta’s hair. Flower shaped clips are strewn about from her ministrations.

 

DEEPS:  so thats fur-dos out of the way

DEEPS:  whats next on the list for this ironic slumber party

DEEPS:  ironic as in it would defy expectations if a cool cat like me chilled at a slumber party and enjoyed it

DEEPS:  like situational irony

DEEPS:  but i am enjoying it fur real

JADE: omg i know that already you dumby.

DEEPS:  is that pronounced dum-me or dum-be

JADE: i don’t know! the point is everyone sees through dave’s schtick already. you don’t have to explain it.

DEEPS:  crap really

JADE: really really

DEEPS:  damn hes a nyerd

JADE: you’re a nerd!

 

Standing, Davepeta stretches the stiffness from their back and wings with an inhuman movement. They are an adorable catbird-person. It is them.

 

JADE: i really wanted to do a scavenger hunt or some sleepover games but everyone else is a no show >:0

DEEPS:  ...yeah i scratched that up big time

JADE: :?

DEEPS:  its nyot my fault okay

DEEPS:  you said games so i didnt invite vriskers or purrezi

DEEPS:  on the off chance spin the bottle is on the table and im not meowing it is

DEEPS:  i dont want to mack a spider every single turn

DEEPS:  luck powers are fucked up

DEEPS:  then for cheating purrezi would start throwing spades at vriskers like an endless supply of throwing stars

DEEPS:  it’ll be disguised as some harmless rules-lawyering but we all know where her paws will end up

JADE: okay…

JADE: what about everyone else? like our best friends?

DEEPS:  >:((

DEEPS:  purrezi is one of my best friends!

DEEPS:  dog we had the sickest rps when we were kits

DEEPS:  or nyepeta did

DEEPS:  you get what im hairballing here

DEEPS:  and i get what youre hairballing

DEEPS:  nyot sure why im clarifying

 

Ugh. Jade can appreciate a good pun, but the “nya”s are the lamest ever. And Davepeta can’t even pronounce the sounds correctly! Although with the fangs and the catlip, they can’t always speak clearly in the first place. Jade can’t fault them for that.

 

DEEPS:  so rose is on a date right now

DEEPS:  she couldnt reschedule

DEEPS:  and karkitty said no way in hell but with more swears and gross metaphors

JADE: what about john?

DEEPS:  who do you think rose is on a date with

JADE: OHH.

JADE: oh my gosh, that’s so cute!!!

JADE: did kanaya go with them?

DEEPS:  nah

DEEPS:  shes been more hands off lately

DEEPS:  its surprising how cute rose<3kanya

DEEPS:  i always thought shed be purrfect with fefurri cause kanya is an s tier royal affair meddler and theyre both total fashion queens

DEEPS:  fefurri is literally a princess

DEEPS:  she’s basically guaranteed to be a hot babe by disney standards

DEEPS:  oh btw dave stayed home with karkitty

DEEPS:  hes a goddamn potato these days

DEEPS:  how did that happen

DEEPS:  sure we had a bad computer addiction which involved endless hours of our ass romancing our office chair

DEEPS:  but my computer was important back then

DEEPS:  i needed it to message you

JADE: daww.

JADE: liar! you texted from your phone :P

DEEPS:  oh right

DEEPS:  hey wanna spy on dave

DEEPS:  we can gossip about him more thats a classic sleepover thing

JADE: no! spying is rude!

JADE: ...what’s he doing right now?

 

Davepeta giggles merrily then focuses. It takes a long minute to find the right thread of Dave’s memories in their mind. There! Davepeta remembers fingers flying across a soundboard as though it happened to  _ them  _ a moment ago.

 

It’s jarring. 

 

Blood flowing red, fingertips ending in blunt pads, sweat gathering on his brow. They’re all feelings Davepeta is deeply familiar with yet completely removed from them.

 

DEEPS:  hes alone

DEEPS:  purracticing on the soundboard to distract himself but its not working

DEEPS:  theres something he wants to ask john about karkat

DEEPS:  oh damn hes totally gonna pounce their date

DEEPS:  dude no

DEEPS:  thats lame as shit

DEEPS:  at least take off the cape its a seven star restaurant

DEEPS:  yes i know its a cool cape

DEEPS:  you can put it back on later

JADE: can he hear you?

DEEPS:  uh no why

JADE: ...

JADE: oh, no reason. you’re just cute when you talk to yourself!

 

Jade flops back on the bed, kicking her sheets about.

 

JADE: why wasn’t i invited on this date? :(

JADE: everyone else is there!!!

 

Oh hell no, that’s an even worse idea than Strider crashing the damn thing, possibly even a worse idea than the date in the first place. Davepeta clasps Jade’s paw in both of their’s. They sigh through their teeth, a gesture that might be leftover from hot days under the Texas sun. Who knows.

 

DEEPS:  jade

DEEPS:  listen to me kitten

DEEPS:  the chemistry aint there

JADE: yes it is!! i remember it!

JADE: it's a little foggy. i keep forgetting things i don’t have any reminders for.

JADE: but i know my reality!

JADE: first guardians aren’t meant to have any other selves.

JADE: we’re linear existences over eons.

JADE: that’s all i can be!

JADE: with rose, i-

DEEPS:  an eternal fursona

JADE: had a wonderful time-

DEEPS:  furries are all degenerates

JADE: there were times we had to play the game over and over, but we kept each other grounded and had [fun too.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/644176)

JADE: dave!!!

DEEPS:  rose is [too classy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/304628/chapters/487065) fur that

JADE: uh. i mean deeps.

JADE: sorry

DEEPS:  shes into her high art freudian tentacles that totally arent dicks btw japanese gov

DEEPS:  dont worry about it jade

DEEPS:  you were close with dave when i was him

DEEPS:  thats not a bad thing dawg ;33

DEEPS:  ignore the conversational multithreading we have going on here

DEEPS:  the important thing is kanaya is here and she claws your chemistry into [absolute suckage territory](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7491672/chapters/17027589)

DEEPS:  total shitpost of a relationship complete with meta references to roses teenage monster girlfriend wet dream and the cherub soundtrack even though cal and other cal have nothing to do with anything

DEEPS:  keep your toes out of that water

DEEPS:  we dont want any baths or damn clamped fur

 

~~~

 

JADE: are you…

JADE: giving me romantic advice?

JADE: real, good advice?

DEEPS:  fur real-

DEEPS:  -friends gotta spot each other when theyre trapezing over a pit of shit

JADE: BLEH!

DEEPS:  im sorry that one was forced

DEEPS:  who am i kidding im never sorry

DEEPS:  i will never stop enjoying these dumb jokes its great

JADE: i love that about you.

JADE: joking around with friends in person is fun.

JADE: :)

DEEPS:  thank you

DEEPS:  hey this counts as sleep over shit

DEEPS:  gossiping about toms needs to be number one on our to do list

DEEPS:  its a classic

DEEPS:  cmon

 

Davepeta paws at the blankets and pillows scattered about, forming them into a makeshift nest. They plant their butt down in the middle. One especially plush pillow is reserved for Jade. Pat, pat. Right here.

 

JADE: aah, this is so comfy!

DEEPS:  a lovely molly approaches the pale mating grounds

DEEPS:  akwete sniffs her tentatively

DEEPS:  she doesnt smell hostile

DEEPS:  they attempt to initiate an exchange of warmth

DEEPS:  heat is a spicy, rare commodity facing high demand

DEEPS:  cant drop the ball now

JADE: stop, that tickles!

JADE: hehehehehe!

JADE: you’re gonna get me with your big claws!

DEEPS:  thats the idea

DEEPS:  akwete winks hella salaciouslike


	2. Chapter 2

JADE: i can see you winking! it is not salacious at all

DEEPS: yes it is :((

JADE: no it’s not.

JADE: i give it cute at best!

DEEPS: aww guess i can take that

DEEPS: im pouting now can you see me pouting

 

~~~

 

DEEPS: boy talk boy talk boy talk

DEEPS: who do you ship yourself with

JADE: i don’t know!

JADE: rose is super cute, but she’s not a boy. do i have to pick a boy?

DEEPS: nah its just a figure of speech kitten

DEEPS: relax

DEEPS: you can buy up whoever you like for ship talk

DEEPS: besides rose might swing a little more masculine anyways

DEEPS: dont tell anyone i told you

DEEPS: she will roast me on the spit and make kittychicken empanadas for siesta if i ruin her melodramatic presentation

DEEPS: assuming she decides to purrsue anything in the first place

DEEPS: and i aint gonna complain about any spitroasting lbr ;33

JADE: gross!

JADE: empanadas are latin american

JADE: a siesta is european.

DEEPS: dude i dont actually care

DEEPS: it was all the same in texas

DEEPS: purrobably

DEEPS: but poor innocent texas is lost to us

DEEPS: earth-texas and alternia-texas

JADE: alternia texas is not a thing even if it was innocent!

DEEPS: im not shitting you

DEEPS: equihiss wanted to move there and raise some type of beautiful not!horse abominations

JADE: i don’t believe you!

JADE: …

JADE: i would’ve loved to visit you and your bro in houston though.

JADE: i didn’t even get to meet him!

JADE: dave and his bro i mean?

DEEPS: dave and our bro

DEEPS: i think

DEEPS: why the hell would you want to sniff him up?

JADE: well i never really got a chance to even in the timelines where [we dated.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3949627/chapters/8854267)

JADE: isn’t that weird?

JADE: or did i… i can’t [remember.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/496078/chapters/868616)

 

Davepeta chokes on their own spit, and their feathers fluff up on reflex.

 

JADE: :?

DEEPS: bro doesnt date

DEEPS: its a universal law of parents

DEEPS: dont hurt me like this

JADE: sorry jeez!

DEEPS: nah it cool

DEEPS: nyepeta wouldnt mind if it were pounce purrsuing a mate

DEEPS: its purrobably the same with becquerel right

DEEPS: he was basically your lusus

JADE: sure i guess?

JADE: i don’t remember any mating behavior from him…

JADE: whatever. karkat is more [fun in spades](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1786246/chapters/3827995) anyways, even if he’s easier to outsmart.

JADE: and dave is the [cuter strider.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15083828/chapters/34973411)

DEEPS: yes yes yes yes

DEEPS: karkitty is the best for shipping

DEEPS: hes so funny and he cares about all his friends so much

JADE: do you like him?

DEEPS: nah

DEEPS: nyepeta did and other dave does so anyone with an ounce of wit to their name would naturally conclude the same of me

DEEPS: but im not feelin it

DEEPS: they liked really different things about him its kinda fucked up

DEEPS: but shh davepeta

DEEPS: i want to talk about you

DEEPS: how would you feel about getting in on that clusterfuck

JADE: which one?

DEEPS: [ dave and karkat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6532669)

DEEPS: maybe purrezi when she finally shows up

DEEPS: im cheating at gossip i remember some alternate timelines where yall had a real fun time after navigating the bumpy bumps

DEEPS: damn it was sexy

JADE: oh, i’d love that!

JADE: especially sexy times, hehe >:)

DEEPS: black or red

DEEPS: or grey

DEEPS: i havent seen it yet but im sure youd make the toms positively yowl while doing some power management

JADE: single-tone colors are for noob graphic designers! i’ll do whatever i want

JADE: :P

DEEPS: good

 

Suddenly, the front door is kicked in, interrupting the endless drivel and irrelevant recommendations. The frame shakes. Drywall rains from the ceiling. A heavy aura falls over them.

 

The new guest makes strange sounds as they advance toward Davepeta’s bedroom. Click, hiss, squelch.

 

Jade cheers.

 

JADE: more people! it’s finally a real party now!!

PROSE: Thank you kindly for the warm welcome. I am honored.

 

Her eyes are blown wide, and her hair floats in its own breeze. Wriggling, tentacled limbs mark her as the clichéd interpretation of a multidimensional lovecraftian monster, now in stuffed doll form for only 199.99. Her tag reads Jasprose.

 

PROSE: I suppose I cannot offer either of my fellow spritely friends a similarly warm and detailed welcome by virtue of already being here. Regardless, a pleasure to see you both again, Davepeta, Jade.

JADE: rose!

PROSE: Jade!

PROSE: No, I have deceived myself. Of course I can weave an introduction if I so desire.

PROSE: Jade Harley, you look lovely. Your long, ebony hair is as silky as ever, and your contrasting creamy, canine features add a feral edge that has me stirring in my stockings.

JADE: gosh, thank you!

JADE: you’re making me blush

PROSE: Where the lowly might imagine guileless, crude beings from the debauched partnership of wolf and man, you show only grace and good taste in design, the best of Toto and Dorothy in one. It is a miracle of the divines that a lesser medium such as ours could produce such a goddess.

JADE: uh, thanks?

 

Davepeta has snuck around and made for the door. They were almost there when Jasprose turned on them.

 

PROSE: And Davepeta.

PROSE: Oh dear, sweet Davepeta.

PROSE: What a pleasure it would be to tear into these lush, golden wings with mine own feline fangs. A deserving end it would be after all the agony you have sewn with your mighty paws.

DEEPS: whelp time for me to turn tail and skedaddle sorry jade

JADE: aww but rose just got here :(

 

Ever the aloof wordsmith, Jasprose continues on as though they never spoke. 

 

PROSE: Never for a moment forget what you have stolen from me. My blushing bride-to-be snatched up by one most unfortuitous shaking of paws.

DEEPS: what no

DEEPS: bro nyepeta didnt even know what human marriage was

PROSE: You’ve stolen her soft lips, her smooth skin.

JADE: hahaha

DEEPS: she wasnt gonna

DEEPS: you know

DEEPS: uh

DEEPS: jade help

JADE: no way!

PROSE: Do I deceive myself? Was our union upon a freshly-kneaded bed never meant to be?

DEEPS: no

PROSE: The lady gasps.

PROSE: If that is so… I never should have been so foolish as to let my eyes stray from first lover. My former self was a helpless romantic, convinced we were some brand of [dark soulmates.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16022318) Now, that love too is lost.

DEEPS: yes do that

DEEPS: kanya is all alone tonight

DEEPS: what if she developed red feelings for both of her roses

DEEPS: this could get juicy

JADE: but you told me not to get involved!

JADE: thats just mean deeps

DEEPS: cat rose changes everything

DEEPS: with one rose the demand is too high

DEEPS: but her market value drops when we double the supply freeing up the shipping economy a bit

JADE: oh my god! don’t you even get started deeps.

JADE: the economy. sheesh!

DEEPS: but this is the good shit

DEEPS: imagine what would happen if say we increased the number of dirks from one and a half [to four](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275858)

JADE: nope i am cutting you off right there mister/missy.

JADE: i love dirk, but that sounds like a self-indulgent disaster on three legs.

DEEPS: not eight legs?

PROSE: Ohohoho!

PROSE: As much as I adore your positively adorable ramblings, I’ll allow myself to interrupt.

PROSE: My romance with a gorgeous vampire began a year into our voyage across paradox’s spherical realm.

DEEPS: shit

PROSE: On the other hand, all of the rather racey encounters with my dearest friend David Strider occurred within four months of our companions’ former demise.

DEEPS: fuck you we agreed not to tell anyone about that

JADE: :O

PROSE: No feline is bound by an agreement made by a thirteen year old girl.

DEEPS: shut the fuck up

DEEPS: we didnt know we were related i swear jade

DEEPS: dont give me those eyebrows

JADE: oh i will give you SO many eyebrows! so many

PROSE: Alas, your birth also took my dearest Davesprite from me. A true tragedy.

DEEPS: wow sorry for existing i fucking guess

PROSE: Apology accepted. However, a debt is still owed. In his place, go on a date with me. I like you, Dave-nepeta.

DEEPS: i cant

PROSE: Your blood runs human only in quarters, mine in halves. Kinship resides in our bonds more than our bodies now.

DEEPS: thats not the purroblem

PROSE: Then what?

DEEPS: i

PROSE: Am I too forward?

DEEPS: yes and [i like jade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14561430/chapters/33647373) okay

JADE: :O

DEEPS: shes cool

DEEPS: cute too

PROSE: Yes, and?

 

~~

 

DEEPS: and we were having a kickass sleepover

DEEPS: rose can we hang out tomorrow or something please

DEEPS: cmon

PROSE: Oh, worry not. I’m sure sharing won’t hurt too much.

PROSE: Having a lot of support is [great for Jade.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1362727/chapters/2846305)

JADE: >:O

DEEPS: fuck that

DEEPS: youre super purretty and shit

DEEPS: i cant compete

DEEPS: hell you never dated dave until literally every other human and troll was dead

DEEPS: it was down to him or some turtles

DEEPS: but now im lower than turtle tier

DEEPS: i dont even think theres a word for the type of junk i have

DEEPS: something furry

PROSE: Shh, shh. It was never about options, always about circumstances. Please don’t be upset. Let me hug you.

JADE: >:O >:O

DEEPS: thanks

PROSE: ...If I may, knowing there is something wild hiding under your trousers rouses me.

DEEPS: no you may not jesus

DEEPS: DO NOT BITE MY EARS

JADE: guys

JADE: should i go or…?

JADE: cause i think we have stuff to talk about deeps

JADE: but it sounds less like shipping and more like real relationship stuff

JADE: which is super awkward!

DEEPS: shit no lets just slow it down for a minute

DEEPS: kitten steps

DEEPS: OW rose!

PROSE: Yes, pardon my haste. Why don’t we return to this sleepover you mentioned?

PROSE: I have a bit of experience in pillow fights and making cocktails. With a significant bribe, I can divulge my sneakrets.

JADE: i’d like that.

JADE: i already know what to do with empty liquor bottles though!

DEEPS: what

PROSE: A good round of spin the bottle of course.

JADE: hehehe

DEEPS: no youre not allowed to laugh like john

DEEPS: i am so fucked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a bonus recommendation that I failed to fit in for [Jade x Aradia x Rose](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14809019)


End file.
